And You Will Know Me By The Trail Of Dead I.T. Guys

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Published on: March 25, 2011

I intended to continue my mini-saga of My Biggest Weekness, which I guarantee Part II will be out within the next 24 hours and all the gritty details of my toothless grin will come out into the open! (Wow, that really sounds like, “Next, on The Young and the Restless.”) I also would like to announce the possibility of a complete renovation to this site. So much so, there may even be a new address! I will keep you informed. But for now, I need to get this off my chest while it’s still singeing a hole in the middle of it.

Like most of the Information Technology support staff that I’ve ever encountered, our IT guy at our firm is, well, cantankerous. 24/7. Not only that, but he puts us paralegals on perhaps the bottom of the priority list every single time we have an issue. This is because of three assumptions I’ve created in my head:


  1. The end-of-the-year performance review is essentially graded by the partners and higher level associates. Therefore, if the IT Guy is not at their beck-and-call to fix the emergency of “Why is my computer screen so dark?” (“Your monitor is off, sir.”) then he doesn’t get a good bonus/raise.
  2. There are ten paralegals who are constantly needing updates and having computer issues, mainly because the firm is too parsimonious to upgrade the PCs and get us AT LEAST Windows Vista. There is only one IT guy.
  3. The IT Guy used to be obese. Now he is a string bean and thinks he’s hot shit.

So, IT Guy constantly pisses me off. For one, as is true with Point #1, it takes him all day, sometimes multiple days, for him to get back to me. This complaint of mine is gimongous, because much to his own chagrin of the paralegals constantly pestering his scrawny ass, we are the ones that do ALL OF THE WORK for the attorneys! An attorney needs an ECF done? Who do they call? An attorney needs documents to be scanned and added into our terrible database client? Who do they call? An attorney needs a burrito to be ordered from Chipotle down the street? Who do they call? So, as you can see, it’s the paralegals, not the attorneys, who should really have first dibs on the IT Guy’s time. Somehow, this change just hasn’t happened yet.

Another thing that really chaps my khakis is that when he remotely logs into my PC (which, by itself kind of annoys me… he is too lazy to walk ten offices down to sit at my desk so I can talk to him while he’s fiddling away,) without fail he will close every window I’m working on. The impetus for this post was that he logged into my computer to install Adobe Flash because I needed it … for … um … YouTube research. I had been asked to research the news about Japan’s nuclear infrastructure and write a memo concerning the subject. I was halfway through when IT Guy virtually pushed me aside (no pun intended) and took over my cursor. Really, all he needed to do was to type in a password into a box and hit OKAY. Instead, what does he do? Yeah, you guessed it.

This time I actually call him at his desk and yell at him, “Why the hell did you do that??”

“Well, didn’t you save it before I logged in?”

“No! Why would I do that?”

“Your training instructor told you to back everything up on the server and to set every document for auto-save. Or were you just not listening?”

Oh. My. God. Training was like a year and a half ago when I first started and was a blizzard of knowledge about the firm. My complaint to my boss didn’t fly either. She just said that there must have been a reason that he needed to clear the windows. And now I get to retype this damn memo that you deleted because you wanted to see the desktop. I could be playing Desktop Tower Defense the rest of the afternoon.

Oh, and hey, guy, I know you technogeeks love your acronyms. Well, I just printed one up and stuck it on my wall just for you:




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