Lawfirm Dossier #52 – Mr. Clean

Categories: Uncategorized
Comments: 6 Comments
Published on: March 7, 2011
So, today is an excruciatingly boring day. The one thing I was excited about was the energy & environment seminar I was attending, yet it ended up having nothing to do with my practice and went over by about 45 minutes. So, I thought I might begin illustrating the characters I work for (or with.)

Outside of Pear Bottom is another fine young chap bred from another Ivy League school, perhaps was a member of the polo league, studied the lute and performed medieval dance routines for his grade school talent show.  I may be laying the sarcasm on a little too thick, but it only comes where it is deserved. He is a first year associate and was hired late last year to our energy team (essentially taking up half of my duties.)  So, I would suppose this guy has been around for at least half a year, if not more. The reason I call him Mr. Clean is because in all of that time, he has not adorned his office with one thing. Not one helpful office organizer, not one symbolic diploma or framed map of antiquity, not one life momento that he does not prove that he plugs himself into the wall after he gets home from work. Nothing. Even his desk, when I walk in, is a barren wasteland. It’s like the surface of the Moon, but without the moon rocks. I don’t even know what he does when he needs to take a note.

But, his personality is almost as strange. For one, I have actually never seen him on foot. He keeps the door shut to his office all day and then, poof!, it is magically open and he has disappeared. He is an impecible dresser, although I don’t have much taste for turn of the 20th century British barrister casualwear. And strangest of all, I think his vertabrae are unified as one. When I walk into his office, he will be at his computer, but he swivels around, not moving any part of his upper torso. It’s a strange thing to imagine, so I have utilized Microsoft Paintbrush to help illustrate my point.

Please examine Exhibit A:

 

Mrclean

 

And, yes, he does talk like that. I also think he might be a drone from the great Attorney Queen. In any event, Mr. Clean normally does not know what to do. I’ve noticed on the docket of one major case I work on he has had to retract and resubmit a pleading on more than one occasion because he forgot standard points of procedure in the body of the certificate of service. But, oh well, I guess we all have to start somewhere, right, Mr. Clean? So, please stop making me come to your office so you can tell me to copy a page out of a century old book so you look as smart as you dress.
6 Comments - Leave a comment
  1. Amanda Hazel says:

    Like many others that commented previously, I too found your site through Paralegal Hell. I love reading your posts; they are witty and very well written.Keep up the great work. I look forward to reading more about your adventures!

  2. Space Monkey says:
  3. Paralegal Hell says:

    perhaps was a member of the polo league, studied the lute and performed medieval dance routines for his grade school talent show.

  4. Paralegal Hell says:

    Oops- I forgot to add that I can not stop laughing at the above quote. PH

  5. Space Monkey says:

    Hahaha… Yeah, the first time I read that, I thought, did I misspell something again?

  6. […] hold on tight and get ready for this one. I actually saw Mr. Clean outside of the law firm. Yes, I speak of the first year associate who I believe beyond the shadow […]

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